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Wednesday, 11 November 2009
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felt extremely tired and weary these days. i stared hard at the mirror when i was in the sch's toilet(handicapped!)...and saw how lethargic my whole face looked like. really hope i have a facemask at that point of time and go to my bed and have a good long sleep! tired tired tired. frankly, i feel tired very easily. esp in distress period, i would tend to sleep even more! zzzz
the past two days were very exhausting(both physically and mentally)
physically: had to lug my laptop and handbag and me travelling to red/hill and carry heavy tabao dinner for all my family members back to c/c/k. worst was on monday, when it poured so heavily and i was drenched(coz i hv no umbrella) i had to travel from sch to redhill then to tiongbahru , to redhill then to home. gosh..my shoulders and arms nearly want to give way liao.
mentally: working on the market/ing project nearly kills my brain cells. coz i seriously think it is not a good project to work on. tho i am so gladful to team up with tr....an interesting girl! i should not think too much of whether we could have been much efficient if we merge with another grp(to hv more members). but oh wells, i prayed to Him and this was the decision i made at that point of time. thanks God! I get to know tr abit better? i dunno. haha and she might be my prospective roomie(YES!! prospective roomie if we both allocated to R) :)
went to the hall and had a look ...well we both quite satisfied with the double room :) i cant imagine 5 mins walk to my faculty. lol!
all my lectures and tutorial ended(tho i still hv one more onehour tutorial). I felt very restless again during today's lecture. my brain couldn't absorb those watever external finishes and drains and stuff. gosh!!! p/f!!! this is such a bane of my life(currently)! i would want to love p/f! but its too complex for me to understand p/f fully!
found a song which i remembered how much comfort and peace it instill in me after i got back my As/results.
and yet now it allows me to breakdown , in order for peace to fill my soul once more.
thank you! and i love you Lord!
i like listening to hymns(yesh...its my own preference!) but seriously, there is a lack of sang hymns online. but oh wells, my ideal way of enjoying them is singing them with other people. the words used are always so colourful and warm! :) argh, my vocab is damn limited!
Blessed/Assurance! :)))))
Wednesday, 04 November 2009
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"Jesus paid it all; all to him i owe; sin had left a crimson stain; He washed it white as snow!"
What a Nice apt song to soothe the emotional turmoil experience i had this morning in sch. well, this "dirty" feeling has been lingering within me for a long time...been thr the Os and As...but i am soooo thankful that i did not leave the problem alone but seek help! :) guess the lecture i was attending made the whole battle worse since what the lecturer taught is not tested in the final exam. I plan to uproot the unnecessary feeling and set free from the gripes of the sin. well, actually this is perhaps the one and only thing that is preventing me from growing in faith. full stop. on the bus journey back home, i reflected that i really miss out so many chances that God gives me and blessed the place God has place me in! regreting a whole lot becoz if i seek help earlier then i would not be such a blankless difter/solitary saint. argh! ignorant young me whom once just wouldn't want to open her mouth to sing praises. lazy me who just wouldn't want to make the extra effort to attend YFellowship. not setting priorities right since my cca clashes with Yfellowship. enuf said. Hallejulah! Praise to the almighty God! What i am experiencing so far is part of God's perfect plan for me...even my future is also part of his perfect plan! Thus, I thank Him for all the wonderful pleasant friends placed beside me!yes and YOU(whoever is reading my blog, thank Him that you are reading my blog!) thank Him for the ups and downs situation i am experiencing! Thank You very much! ALL to HIM i OWE!
"Now my heart is troubled and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'?
No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour.
Father, glorify your name!"
John 12:27-28
in about 20 days, I will be sitting for my first ever exam in varsity. today i had this particular lecture whereby the lecturers are trying to clarify the common FAQs of taking exams in my varsity. well, some considered the two kind ladies are being very naggy. but i just felt thankful for these two kind ladies as what they said served as reminders to me. tho the things they mentioned are just general knowledge...or you will just response by saying "DUH!"..some lamented and saying the lecturers are wasting their time as the time could have been put to better use:muggin! Yet every error they mentioned repeats itself every year. why? humans tend to be boastful and full of pride(yes that is the evil lingering in us! evil may sounds a very heavy word but indeed it is an evil!)
there is another ocassion whereby one coursemate questioned me "have you ever skipped/pon a lecture before?" i replied No to her simple qn. the immediate response(or what most/all ppl will do too) is to give me a pair of very big eyes and goes "WAHHH." perhaps the image tt i portrayed now is a mugger. but i still felt there is an obligation for me to attend lectures(when i have no other activity that clashes with them) or the excuse activity i can think of is "sleeping activity?" lol! as for tutorials, i did pon once. i feel guilty coz i think i didn't show any respect for this particular tutor as i am always a late-comer for tutorial class. the most ridiculous thing i did was to appear 2 or 5 mins before the end of the class. I practically enter the classroom and sit on the chair for one minute and then signed off the attendance sheet and then be the first one to run off. ya thats the only tutorial class where i dun really know a single person. though the tutor don't really care about such minute matters, but i still feel bad tt i am not showing respect for a human being like me. coz i would really hope other ppl to respect me and yet i cannot demostrate tt simple gesture for this instance!
friggin me! I shall avoid time-sucker applications for this time being. hope my friends will also work hard for their individual goals/exams! I really want to put in my best effort for my five modules..so as to glorify God's name and to do greater works for Him! and of course, i would desire to catch up with my dearest friends after exams! lets go out kay? to shop/kbox/pig-eat a whole damn lot! /celeb christmas/birth of Christ Jesus! and Countdown to a new year!
pretty jumpshot at Sentosa/Cove! that place is really luxurious and a dream place to live in!
Monday, 26 October 2009
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"No one knows how much wisdom comes from suffering."
this message was twice conveyed to me this weekend in two different forms. one was from a newspaper article(hopefully u guys have chanced upon reading it) and another was from SSmovie. "tribulation worketh character." well, but in their contexts, their circumstances were so much more serious and overwhelmed as compared to mine and my counterparts. so why are we ranting? why are we complaining? why can't we embrace them? why can't we take heart and appreciate the goodness out of our "suffering"? Times are different, we are all surrounded by the many temptations and sinful ills of the society(of course, there are goodness in our society too!) Laziness and our inability to handle work(in terms of academic obligations or family obligations or even society obligations) that results many complaints here and there. oh wells, i am not trying to justify that what our academic institution's "presents" to us are all good and necessary. coz it irks me to hear how so many people are complaining about their life. if they are complaining now, it means they will do so for almost the rest of their lives. as for me, I try not to complain but to sigh... at how fast time has flied!
Recently, there is this p/society email in my inbox..they are recruitin sub-comm people for their activities. and thus i asked myself, am i apolitical? it would be self-denial if i say i do. i always feel very strongly when i hear from my family discussion and their views on my country'spolitics. and now the course i am in is also strongly influenced by govt'sdecision and plans. afterall, almost all land here ultimately belonged to the sovereign state(govt). oh wells, looking 4ward to the next GE. tho i am still not eligible to vote...yesh it is another reminder of how young i am! hahahaha
today's devotion: Never occupy withselves with activities that is unrelated to your goals.
i have a idealistic picture in my head that i am having a picnic alone at the field. it is a very beautiful sunny day. munching on my apple. and me enjoying the warmth from the sun, the cool breeze and thinking of all things whilst lying on the picnic mat. i thought to myself, "how i wish 88 can be there with me and poured out her life to me and vice versa"...."how i wish I can go and meet HIM in heaven and enjoy eternal peace!"
the following song is very soothing to listen to....a song dedication to the girl and my dearest friends who is reading this blog of mine. Goodnight and continue to dream big! no dream is ever too small!
I'm making believe
I'm making believe that you're in my arms though I know you're so far away
Making believe I'm talking to you, wish you could hear what I say
And here in the gloom of my lonely room we're dancing like we used to do
Making believe is just another way of dreaming, so till my dreams come true
I'll whisper "Good night", turn out the light, and kiss my pillow
Making believe it's you
I'm making believe that you're in my arms though I know you're so far away
Making believe I'm talkin' to you, wish you could hear what I say
And here in the gloom of my lonely room we're dancing like we used to do
Making believe is just another way of dreamin', so till my dreams come true
I'll whisper "Good night", turn out the light, and kiss my pillow
Making believe it's you
And here in the gloom of my lonely room we're dancing like we used to do
Making believe is just another way of dreamin', so till my dreams come true
I'll whisper "Good night", turn out the light, and kiss my pillow
Making believe it's you
Friday, 23 October 2009
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suddenly i felt that i might never ever get my re-affirmation of faith/baptism after the bus trip home. it is like i felt many arrows trying to pierce my heart as i need to give an answer..i need to be answerable for the actions i made. sigh. but there are some things which i cant provide an answer. but they just happen... i dun really have a fantastic/heartwarming story to tell to others... there isn't any dramatic things happened to bring myself back to God. it is like an on-and-off thing. even if that incident is counted, but i wouldn't be able to carry myself to tell anybody and yesh, i did not tell anybody at all except for God! since it is something which is so awful and will just make me tear all over again. sigh, i seriously admire some people who is going all out to help others when i know they have enough affairs to handle on their side. ok...my thoughts now are so disorganised...that i cannot express myself well in words here. but i an certain that this time, the two words "give up" will not appear in my dictionary and i will fight hard to settle it and not let the matter unsolved. i feel like screaming: "I am sick of drifting. drifting aimlessly in this world." RAH!
"Now my heart is troubled and what shall I say? 'Father,save me from this hour'?
No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour.
Father, glorify your name!"
John 12:27-28
and i miss all my dearest friends! for some, it is like eons that i hv ever seen them or even if i met up with them during recess..ppl like liting,gina,nina...i still miss them a whole lot too! sigh. time ar time ar. it is like even those in n/us, i also hardly meet them and have yet to lunch with them!!! not a single lunch date with them! bleah!
time time time!
i was reading this article on "Time" and i like how the writer shares the different situations we are placed in...and in each cases, we have different perception of time! a gd example is when we are waiting for a bus(we are already late for an appointment) ..we tend to be extremely tensed up! The brain creates its own time, and it is this inner time, not clock time, that guides our actions. In the space of an hour, we can accomplish a great deal - or very little. Inner time is linked to activity. When we do nothing and nothing happens around us, we are unable to track time. haha another example is when we are overseas for a holidays. time seems to pass so fast!!! esp when the trip had a lot of time spent just on travelling ..china trip! and for the notion where Time equals Money...we have to liberate ourselves from this equation. tho this increases productivity but yet this equation also costs us time!(hope it doesn't confuse u!) as industrial nations hv higher rates of depression or other diseases. all in all, "we are either borne along by it(time) or drowned in it(time)."
and humans introduce a lot of distractions...in all form...a good example is FB!! aha! esp to those playing those games on FB! these applications rot away our time! ahaha
anyway, just hope people manage their time well and be happy. happiness is still an important indicator :)
and of course time set aside for devotions and loving others!
and tada! we are all getting close towards our exams... scary....
Saturday, 17 October 2009
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current mood: confusion mixed with anxiety mixed with embrace mixed with swallowing everything that i cannot chew properly
at 530am at bedok jetty, my brain found an answer to this qn that has been bothering me for many years. well, perhaps to be more precise, my brain/heart had finally proven the equation to be justifiable. I was quite sad when the puzzle was solved(as i dunno who on earth will be reading this, so i shall not reveal it here, but if u r interested, u can directly msn me to find out!) fyi, this puzzle is only a small one. i cannot imagine how emotionable i will be if the big puzzle is solved. anyway, it was the first time i stood at a jetty and waited for an hour to watch the sunrise! to be honest, it wasn't really fascinating. yet, when i saw how the murky dark skies and seas slowly becomes so clear and bright to me, God(creator of all things in universe) wants to tell me that problems will be solve eventually(it won't persist forever!) and we cannot avoid all problems/distraction. so thanks God for the bright skies we enjoyed in the day!tho the UV rays are getting stronger....
humming praise songs when cycling kept me thr the long nite! and yeah good weather! :)
I am so extremely glad that a stone(coz it is not really a big problem) is removed from my heart. yup i feel the support and affirmation. on the other hand, there is this lurking fear that i might be heading towards a ConcreteWall. i pondered alot after last saturday afternoon. it is like asking myself, am i decieving myself that i am prepared to affirm my faith when God calls for me? Sorry, there are instances, i am shameful to proclaim i am a christian. so my only hope is that I will not listen to God's words for granted...going to church for granted....doing anything for the sake of just following the routine. I been leading such a unholy life ever since a baby? friggin salad.
the past week, i encountered an old lady who tried to preach me christianity on the public bus after sch. after i said i am alr(with discomfort), she questioned me: "so...young lady, have you been reading the bible everyday?"
sorry my dear frens, if u notice i been bloggin stuff about christainity and my struggle with it. well, thats a big problem in my life...so oh wells, i guess i shld blog abt it to feel better. my sch life? hmm...i kind of adapted to the way how projects are part and parcel of my life now. i really must say uni life has damn lotsa of distractions, and i must really scan through and do those activities where my heart tells me to. just this semester, i had already one regret! and it was peer pressure that prevented me from executing what my heart wanted! dumb! i shall do that once sem two starts. do what ur heart tells you. no regrets no regrets!
life is seriously very short. one year. one month. one week. one day. one by one....tho it is short, but people can still do great things...and one of them is Love! Love...unconditional love. something which u put ur heart and soul into doing things/planning things/caring for ur loved ones. have u tried doing it before?
all the best to us uni ppl! one more mth to exams/projects deadline...we shall survive and see the rainbow(december holidays) at the end of the windy road!
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
